memory haven

2011-03-26T09:17:00.000-07:00

Yeah so here's the deal. Tumblr or no tumblr I've decided this space might just be the cocoon to resort to when I can't say certain things in certain places. Heck, cowardice right there. But honestly, some people are so goddamn vicious and judgemental I can't help but just wanna run from their freaking radar. Hypocritical maybe but at least I try to accept other people's 'weirdness'. Geez.

Anywhooser, I'm guessing I still have a few readers. Life isn't so good. Just barely got out from the dark abyss of failure. Or mishap whatever u wanna call it. Certain principles are being questioned by none other than myself. And when you start questioning yourself you never really stop. It's rather psychotic I think.

Now I just drown myself in deep sorrow while listening to the likes of Adele, Lykke Li, Mumford and Sons and Bon Iver since their songs just bring my emotions out. so does Bryan Adams. I should prolly download a bunch of The Corrs songs to lighten the mood in my ever clustered head. Or I should just shut up and be a hermit. Which is what I will be for the next 12 weeks. Goodbye

2010-12-08T06:59:00.001-08:00

Redirect to www.tangerineblues.tumblr.com

dream dream dream

2010-11-30T07:49:00.000-08:00

In relation to the previous post, I really really hope I get in next fall... which means I cannot screw up my A levels. Insyallah..

Girls out there, do watch An Education. It truly is one of the best movies I've watched. Starring Carey Mulligan so you get the gist.

I don't really mind not doing anything but sit at home and relax this week.. Call it boring but I like peace and quiet. And not having to think of what to wear. Should prolly sort out my stuff tomorrow. There are waaaayyy too many books around.

my dream, so leave me alone

2010-11-30T01:35:00.000-08:00

I want to go to Exeter next fall. Why? Because I chose it myself, I got the conditional offer, it's no. 12 in the law school ranking, it's south of the UK so I won't freeze and it's pretty there. Pretty pretty pretty.

2010-11-21T00:57:00.000-08:00

AS is finally over and all I want to do is think of my winter vacation to Spain and Morocco. It's been a long time since I've been out of the region and I miss being overseas. Despite knowing I'll prolly freeze myself over there I want to escape and relax and just...lose myself there. I've updated my iPod with appropriate songs to accompany me since I am not going to make any friends on the trip. I just can't decide on which book to bring. Wuthering Heights or Animal Farm or a familiar book? hmm..

Anywho... last week in farking KY for this sem. I am so glad there is only one semester left in that jungle prison. Being on the 18-month program sucks sometimes but at least we're one short of a sucky sem compared to the others. HAHA. I'll miss some of my friends though.. We'll all be going to different universities in the UK. I can be all corny and say the strong bond of our friendship will help us get through uni and we'll always carry each other in our hearts but face it. People move on and if they don't care to maintain a friendship, then they won't. They just won't.

Haiyakk!

2010-11-06T20:30:00.001-07:00

So it's my last day in JB. For now. FAAAARRRRKKKKKIINNGGGG SHIT : Back to KY.

I can't get my ass to be unglued from the bed. Hopefully mak and hanim will find Angsana more fascinating than ever and take their time over there so that I can procrastinate even more. High hopes I have I know.

Aliah's back. Ciao! Back to hellhole soon.

so listen good

2010-11-05T08:43:00.000-07:00

Been fiddling at looklet.com for the past few hours. It's so fun. haha #foreveralone much.

These songs have miraculously helped during the exam period and also to block unnecessary noise

Mozella ; Say it ain't so , Angus and Julia Stone; Chocolates and Cigarettes, Vampire Weekend, Simon and Garfunkel; Scarborough Fair, Andrew Belle; Open your eyes and In my veins Amy Stroup; Chin up and Just you..

Most of em are thanks to Kucing i.e Hanis. HUAKK!

I want chocolate cake.

home

2010-11-05T08:29:00.000-07:00

I'm in JB finally. For two days at least. It's peace like no other. No annoying KY inhabitants who seem to ask to be strangled and dumped into the Atlantic. I get to be alone and do everything at my own pace. Oh my God I can't wait to graduate.

For the past week, memories of old came back without warning. 2006, 2007, 2008, and of course that of earlier this year. My friends and I have agreed that the memories of the first sem in KY was almost unreal. The events, competitions, performances.. friendships. Will the pain go away when I leave for good or will it only intensify and become a recurring fimstrip in my head? I have a good feeling the former will prevail. On a brighter note, December is coming soon! :))

2010-10-23T22:55:00.000-07:00

After the interview on Friday, I sat stone silent in the car with my father and let myself wonder. I imagined if the person had asked what I hope or dream for.. Would I have answered something pretentious like 'I wanna be a big shot lawyer someday' or would i have simply been truthful and said I wanna climb Mount Matterhorn and live in Switzerland?

I have thought of what it might be like if I do get into the universities that I've chosen. I have also definitely thought of what it could be like if I don't fly off at all. Honestly the latter occupies my mind the most. Pessimistic I know.

December's coming soon. I just can't wait for Morocco and Spain. And Cairo :D. I don't exactly have fond memories of the bitter cold weather in Egypt but at least I'll get to see Firdaus. I think.

I like pine trees.

too young to fail

2010-10-23T07:42:00.000-07:00

From reading my friends' blogs and some others I think in time I will be able to call real friends', I have derived the obvious conclusion that people I mix with are from different extremes. And at the end of it, I wonder where I stand. Where I really belong. Perhaps being fickle and ever changing gives me the chance to be whoever I wanna be with different groups of people, specifically there are only three acceptable types in my book. I've been away from KY much longer than usual and I miss my friends already.

For the past month I have been...doing nothing much really. Except stressing out. And preparing for interviews and shizz. One ultimately unsuccessful mock + slightly improved mock + the real Cambridge interview + Law Test = THE END OF MY APPLICATION. Now, the excruciating wait for the reply in December.

I know what people must think whenever I answer to the question "which universities did u apply to?" I'm in over my head. Of course. I know that but whatever. Although I would have preferred if my dad stopped telling relatives I'm to applying to there and there.

History exam on Thursday. I feel like dying. Again. I really really cannot afford to screw this one up. I have about 4 days to finish reading everything and I don't know how much exactly I haven't covered. Econs on the day after? Just great.

one of these days.. I'll grow old and I'll grow brave and I'll go...

images in my head

2010-09-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, let's try this again. I have more angst this time. :D

Trial results : Very grateful for econs and history, but I know I have to improve extensively before AS actually starts. And with the amount of work due for A2, I gotta figure out some way to manage my time and multitask like crazy. My Maths is horrible, as always. I thought from the looks of my result during a mini blind test I was improving. Instead, I'm just heading south. JOY. Statistics ain't my thing. I really don't care about specific probabilities of events and whether they're mutually exclusive or independent. I must admit I enjoy doing Maths, but of course especially so when I can actually solve the problems. Will only get Lit on Friday. Hopefully that one will turn out well. Whatever it is, I just gotta fix everything before the real thing. And also consider if I really want to continue with the Maths syllabus. I never wanted to take the damn subject in the first place really. But I assume it's too late since I already put it down as A levels in my applications. YIPPEEE.

I like History. No, I love History. The things I learn in college as well as the stuff outside the syllabus. I love travelling to see historical places. I like knowing the story behind events like say the Spanish Civil War or when and why the Synagogue el Transito was built. Plus, I really am determined to make my own scrap book about the places I've been to and will go to. Pictures and stories and shizz. Maybe I want just that for my birthday. But that's just wishful thinking. I'll prolly go on a scavenger hunt myself to get the perfect one. Yes, trying to make myself feel better here.

On a brighter note which seems to be dampened by the discouraging mood of KY, I might be going on a trip to Spain/Morocco in December. Might, insya Allah. (please let it come true) The best part is, I get to see Firdaus. That is also a might coz I don't know for sure how long I'll transit in Cairo. And besides, it'll be on Christmas Day so...yea. It's been too long since our last vacation overseas. Well, 2 years feels like a very long time okay?

I should really make some progress with my Islamic Studies folio right now but...heh. At least it's regarding stuff I like. Why is it that I'm never hungry these days? I literally eat for the sake of not getting gastric.

2010-09-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

So I wrote a really effing long post just to have the stupid KY sign to come up after i pressed the publish button. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH &*^%@#%&*()&%#(&*#@$&*(&*()&

AMAGADDDDDDDDDDDDDD

p/s : Thank you Sqeen for saving my ipod. :))

the fire's burnin' us up

2010-09-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

It's really just that indescribable pain you experience at the bottom pit of your stomach late at night, every night, that gets to you.

hye, I'm Jo

2010-09-25T08:15:00.000-07:00

Maybe I've finally belonged, maybe I am finally accepted as a whole. I've wronged, I've lied and made some realise I cannot be depended on because I will disappoint. When I think again of what had happened, I remember asking God when it will all be over because I really did not mean to hurt anyone. Now I think I can safely say it is over. This is the good half of the year. I can't always have a good time right?

Trials are over. Maths was a killer. I do not think my Econs, History and Literature marks will be encouraging either. I'll just have to accept them and better myself within the given time. Thank God my UCAS app is over and done with. Now results await. And AS itself.

thank you

2010-09-16T22:02:00.001-07:00

I have to go back to college in a few days for the effed up reason which is my trials. And studying and shizz.

At least I had an awesome two weeks. Can't bring myself to type anymore

will miss you

2010-09-08T06:11:00.000-07:00

I don't like Raya. Everyone who knows me well knows that. Why? Coz I don't really like mingling just for the sake of it. Because now that I'm on my two-week break, I'd prefer to hang out with my favourite people. Like Firdaus for example. We're both only hanging around in JB till end of this month. Then he'll ciao for 10 months while I rot in the jungle in hopes of getting the opportunity to fly off to UK. No, the thought isn't fun at all.

I know I made a horrible mistake and I deserve a slap on the face. A mistake which hurt someone very badly. Someone I really do care about. No, I'm not lying. Maybe I also deserve a constant reminder of what happened, I don't know. How bout this : I promise not to promise anymore.

It's been a fun four days though.. sigh..

clouded

2010-09-02T03:08:00.000-07:00

MUST. GET. OUT. NOWWWWWWWWWWW

There you have it ladies and gentlemen, gate fever at its best. Two and a half days to JB. :/

Two weeks to trials. hmm.

So. Everyone is depressed/discouraged/apprehensive/doubtful/disturbed etc today. Why? A lady from the admissions department of UCL came to give a talk to those who are applying/applied to go there. After the somewhat short yet extensive description of the place and requirements, the only thing running through my mind was, how on earth do I meet these requirements?? UCL is fourth in the world. Right above Oxbridge. Smart choices? I don't really think so. My only hope is Exeter. I like Exeter. I must get into Exeter. MUST. It offers History and Law and that appeals to me more than plain old law. Although sometimes I wonder why I am even taking up law. Still, it seems more natural and well-suited. But history......

This is all very overwhelming. I can't even think about fun or food or Raya (well to be honest I've never been a big fan).

Crap. IELTS results tomorrow. gahhhh.

life out here

2010-08-31T08:32:00.000-07:00

More pictures because I am bored, not in the mood to study and sleepy at the same time.

After untangling them for an hour last night, Aliah came up with this :

This is what I did to my wall today since I had free time (mind you that's rare) :D

Moping in the RC coz I can't wait to go home. Well actually Hanis made me pose like this but still, it fits in the context.

Out of KY for the night!! yeay yeay yeay!

At the cultural performance thingy.

Introducing Ariel/Myra/Green Curry! hehehe

4 days. Just four more days.

random thoughts

2010-08-30T07:30:00.000-07:00

And this is what I look forward to :))

survival

2010-08-30T06:33:00.000-07:00

You see, I should be doing my econs revision now. But my nose is itching and I can't decide to sneeze or not. It's annoying basically. Besides, this beats elasticity anytime. Tomorrow is slave labour daaayyy. No, it's just Merdeka. And a marathon of extra classes woohooo.

4 hours of econs, 2 hours of lit and 2 hours of history. Honestly, exeter better accept me. Not working my ass off for nothing here! And I say Exeter because I think I really wanna go there. I don't feel like studying in London. I wanna be somewhere cozy and green and quiet. And where I won't freeze to death during winter. So south UK sounds awesome to me.

I miss JB. I miss home. I miss all of them. :( Just five more days. Five more bloody days. Saturday classes are unnecessary I tell ya.

Also, people having mood swings and bitch fits are annoying. You're stressed, we're stressed, everyone's stressed. Yes, some may argue I'm prone to moodswings too but still. You gotta control your emotions in a place like this! This is freakin alcatraz or guantanamo bay y'know. No one really needs to take your shizz when they have their own messing up their heads. But I must say, I'm glad I have my friends. Coz at the end of the day, they'll still accept me as I am. At least I hope so. hmm. well judging by the pics below, we basically have no other form of entertainment in this jungle. haha

Syafira :)

Kist, Hanis

Hanis Kitty Cat

Hanis, Sqeen, Kist

Rahman

Aliah

somewhere out there, somewhere far away

2010-08-28T22:16:00.000-07:00

And now, T-7 days to you. :) finally!! gahhh.

So. Trials in three weeks. Barely studying, panicking more than I normally would and unnecessary drama making special appearances when all I need and want is peace and quiet. Yeah you would say living in the jungle would give me that, but honestly do you think lions and monkeys lead very peaceful lives? dont think so.

I have my wish list ready! well, books at least.

But of course my birthday will be spent reading bout how people starve and revolutionize and shizz. sigh.

This time we'll be okay :)

2010-08-27T05:15:00.000-07:00

You know, when people start doubting you and what you've become, it's all you can do to not feel defeated and helpless. Even if they claim to love you still.

a new kind of happiness ;)

2010-07-30T19:49:00.001-07:00

And the man has arrived! hahaha. After 9 months, that poor thing. Yep.

Finally, the weekends. Peaceful sleep, almost dreamless. Woke up not to the sound of my annoying alarm (altho the land mower outside was kinda annoying and contributed to the disturbance of my sleep). But I feel rested anyhow. Syafira came over last night to keep me company while my chaletmates have abandoned the forest and me, to get a piece of their sanity back home. Syaf did maths while i lazed around talking on the phone and watched criminal minds. Well, mainly talking. hehe.

So I've done my counting and AS is in about 72 days. Means I have 18 days per subject. Hmm. I always thought history needs more time than that. Ah wells. I'm doomed nonetheless. And yet here I am writing bout it instead of doing something. Joy.

I swear I will finish Jane Eyre today. Gothic/romantic novels take time! Should prolly read french revolution too...hmm.. or maybe I'll just substitute frenchie for nationalism. I dunno. Then there's econs.. i forgot the subsidy graphs already. Stats test on Tuesday. har har. I'll screw up of course but what's new right?

just as scared

2010-07-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

I don't understand! There are just too many things going on and I brilliantly put on some more on my plate! WTFSS. and that stands for what the fuck suck shit to represent wednesdays to sundays in KY. yes, I know.

English literature has thought me enough to read between lines and three words are powerful enough to symbolise someone's feelings. And also teeny symbols and multiple full stops can mean something too okay?? Yes, I am freaking out coz I didn't expect it to turn out like this. WTF.

Trials, AS, LNAT, uni apps, PS, reference letters, meetings and shizzz are creeeeping me out! aghhh.

And I'm not there.

I didnt know what else to do! I'm sorry!

stress is my life

2010-07-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine, Kucing, brought up a typical KY-student-dilemma topic just now while we were watching the induction shit program for juniors (which will be explained later). University applications, reference letters and grade requirements. As she is a Medic student, I understand her worries. It's not that easy to go overseas to do medic these days. Even if you're from KY. But I'm pretty sure she'll pull through. Well, my point is that that is what this whole week has been about basically. Or rather, what starting from this week will be like.

On Tuesday I already had that personal statement workshop with the lady from MABECS (go figure), then subject teachers began to ask us to fill up forms which consisted of things like university choice, course and reference writers. I already know mine but of course, there's a dilemma there too. Honestly sometimes I don't know why I let my dad tap into my head. Sure, aiming for the sky is really noble and all but when I fall flat on my ass I only have myself to rely on anyway. Plus the fact I lost my saviour. Anywho, I chose all universities close to London. I don't know if I should stick to them but I guess I don't have a better choice anyway. Cambridge (funny, I know), LSE, UCL, King's College and Queen Mary University. Cambridge and LSE require an A* for something and I have a feeling that subject will be History in my case. I suck at Maths and Econs while Literature is almost impossible for me to reach so high. My best bet would be King's I guess.

Everyone is worried. Everyone is talking bout it, even me. My fear has been realised. It's finally here. By end of next month I would already have submitted my Cambridge application if I'm not mistaken. I refuse to hope but of course I will pray for it. I know that somewhat contradicts but I just really want to avoid from getting truly disappointed and discouraged. Especially when people know you get rejected. It's freaking KY. Everybody knows. On a more bitter note, it doesn't help if you don't get a university placement at all.

I signed up for this and I know I should just shut up and buck up. I should start mugging and cramming and doing hundreds of sample papers or something. I just can't. Two weeks from now puasa will start. Then raya, then trials, then the real AS exams. In the midst of all that the university applications will go on and DOE awards training as well. Then the hols, replies from universities and more work to come for next year.

Kay enuff boring stuff. So, junior induction. They seem to have a lot of fun with the amount of activities and all.. Also they get the extra six months so that's kind of a bitch. Ngeh. It's a sign.

look at me, I'm invisible

2010-07-20T06:27:00.000-07:00

First day of classes in second sem. Econs in the morning, blerghh. Double period, I wondered how I could have been so patient. History was alright but it kinda sucked because..well for some humiliating reason. Lit was fine, got a new teacher from birmingham. She's nice and vibrant so I'm guessing I won't be yawning endlessly in class anymore. Maths was almost unbearable. Seriously, words like exponential and partial fractions do not appeal to me at all.

Juniors are here. They're alright. Syafira and Rose seem to be doing fine so that's cool.

Did not get a very good night sleep..my mind was awake most of the time even though my body was aching all over from unpacking. I was practically waiting for the alarm clock to ring in the morning so that I'd have a reason to wake up. Seemed like the rest didn't sleep well either. First night of the sem syndrome I guess. No swimming either today so that ruined my mood a little bit. On a brighter note, our chalet looks gorgeous and homey now.

The week is ending and once again I've managed to feel lost and out of place. Seriously, when am I going to meet people I can truly relate to and trust other than those I already have from primary and high school?

I smell burger.

Can there ever be a solution to our mess?

reluctance

2010-07-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

Last day in JB. Ain't that great? No. It's really not. I don't even know why I bothered asking, in a blog post. Whatever. I've been singing to You and I the whole day to stay sane and not literally die from the pain I've been suffering the past 24 hours. I even sang myself to sleep because otherwise I could not have possibly closed my eyes and stayed still.

Bags are packed, Russian Rev partially secured in my head, Economics notes I thought I had lost are found, files are rearranged, essay written, personal statement halfway done, first volume of Jane Eyre which would help me get through class on Tuesday is read..oh wait. Maths. hmm.

The day was well spent I suppose. Felt better than last night and this morning. Spent time with Aliah who didnt have to work today coz she was on call yesterday. And my mum too. My dad tried to make light of the situation and not push the fact that my holidays are over in my face. Coz he's funny like that. Had pengat pisang which was aweeessommmeee. And mochacino and pecan butterscotch cakes.

For a moment there this morning both Aliah and I suspected I have appendicitis. The first thought that came through my mind was how long I'd have to be hospitalised. Also, how long I would get to remain in JB before I'll be well enough to go back to KY. heh.

Anywho I should go stuff some more junk in my already full suitcase. Toodles.

Oh, and yeah. I do have something cooked up.

i should go do something useful now

2010-07-16T04:42:00.000-07:00

College in three days. The thought is so depressing that I don't even have the energy to fight it. I know I'll lose anyway. I already bought enough movies and tv shows to keep me alive till september. Now I have to choose the books to bring over there. Shadow of the wind, walking naked, if you could see me now, maybe something by jodi picoult. Speaking of which, I must say that I still prefer Shadow of the Wind over Angel's Game. haha.

Food-check
Clothes-check
Room stuff-check
Books-check
Preparation for next sem- um.

Let's get rich and build a house on a mountain

Making everybody look like ants

Way up there

You and I, you and I...

karma. shut up

2010-07-14T09:48:00.001-07:00

Eclipse was a waste of my time. Shudda watched Despicable Me instead. Oh well, at least I got to hang out with Aliah before I go back to misery. Reading the book was enough I guess. To pass the time, to have fun mocking the corny lines. Somehow in some twisted way the books were more bearable than the movies. Don't get me wrong, I did not buy those books. But whatever. Oh but of course Xavier Samuel and Jackson Rathbone were hot. Yeah, that's bout it.

I'm reading If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern. For the 10th time maybe? It's one of the few books that I can stand reading over and over again. So if this book were to be lost, you'll do well to find me in an asylum. Yeah.

So. The funniest story of the day : The incoming junior batch of my college has created a group for themselves in FB. How charming. HAH. Reading the spams by seniors was so much fun. Gullible, delusional kids. I was one of them so I should know how they feel right now. The hopeful feeling that everything will be okay, that everyone will be nice and warm and they would cohabitate peacefully with three other people and make full use of the their time there. Until of course the hamster routine starts. And people start to get lazy to clean up after themselves, teachers decide to make you read 10 handouts within a week and give u weekly surprise tests, cliques begin to form, people start to bitch, people start beating you to the bicycle shed, it rains every time you wanna swim, general studies projects pop up unnecessarily, virtually no internet connection in the chalets, the water turns yellow now and then, they serve the same food every week in the dh, classes on fridays ending at 4;plus classes on the day after until noon. And then of course if you're at a certain level of naivety you would start making stupid decisions like forgetting/abandoning the one thing that was ever true in your life in pursuit of an illusion.

That's really all the misery I can think of. I don't know what the rest go through.

Oh KY, now you know how I really feel. ;)

bloody chills running down my spine

2010-07-13T07:12:00.000-07:00

Damn it. I can't possibly wait for two weeks before releasing part of my frustration clinging to dear hope on my sanity.

Of course I wanted to try. The thought crossed my mind hundreds of times in a day. But I felt I knew better than to fall into the trappings of my own volatility. Some days the idea was too crazy to even consider but some days it gnawed at me and provoked me to make a move. Taking the risk once was well, not too brilliant. So why do it twice right?

Honestly, I felt nothing was even trying to pull me back.

On a brighter note, I finally got an awesome bag for college. And other stuff to make the second semester much more bearable. Whatever shit happened in first sem better not this time. I'll keep a blindfold and duct tape handy if i have to. GAHHH.

Yes, I am angsty today.

:)

2010-07-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

So I thought I lost my book, Sepulchre. Panicked for about an hour, still disturbed for another hour and then Ilham brilliantly came up with an idea and the book was found! Asked everyone who I personally didn't think had the book in the first place but merely did it out of desperation.

I think tomorrow will be a good day. Influenced by the fact that I will be able to go back to college on Monday like a normal person. :)

fast forward

2010-07-08T21:53:00.000-07:00

And so college is starting in about a week. I still haven't done any studying. Only rearranged my box of stationery. Somehow that made me happy today.

Things don't hurt less by making them more complicated and less straight-forward. Yet we still think that's true.

I'm reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. It was a random choice, I was aiming to buy a Paulo Coelho and then the green book just caught my eye. I picked it up, queued, paid and left without much hesitation. Jane eyre? No development still. I guess I'll just have to cheat my way through this one.

the other half.

2010-07-08T09:28:00.000-07:00

Honesty

Is what you need

It sets you free

Like someone to save you

Let it go

But hurry now

There's undertow

And I don't wanna lose you now

wait for it

2010-07-08T09:13:00.001-07:00

Things are beginning to turn into a sick rerun of a stupid sitcom.

And as the days approach it doesn't help that I'm getting even more disturbed and confused. Oh joy.

half of what I mean

2010-07-07T03:27:00.000-07:00

Patience

took you for everything

looked like a diamond ring

and you wore it so much longer than made sense

Apathy in disguise

Crept on you like a spy

Hurt you in ways you can't describe.

goodbye apathy

2010-07-07T02:48:00.000-07:00

That road is just not for me. Not again. And yes I said the same thing three years ago but still. That would make it two less hurt people in the world. haha.

Hooked on a couple of gavin degraw songs. Need to find new ones.

It's the perfect weather to go to sleep in, with sunlight barely reaching past the grey clouds. G'day y'all.

and yet i can't help but make it about you

2010-07-06T07:54:00.001-07:00

Annd so I decided to change my template design because I am so unoriginal and I kinda like the hanging frames. Remind me of something I cant seem to remember.

Accomplished a few things today. Separated my History notes according to topics, went swimming and managed to control myself when the chicken wings ran out. Hah. But no, I did not start on my personal statement, nor did I study one bit of anything except the ways of how a deceased marine is escorted to his hometown to be buried. That was interesting I must say but whoa Kevin Bacon sure got old.

Tomorrow I shall continue my "good streak" and start listing which things to do first and actually execute them. Either that or I'll just be finding more excuses to not do anything.

Things happen for a reason and sometimes to protect us.

for once, I'm not getting myself into trouble

2010-07-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I don't know. Don't ask me because I will only give u gibberish I never knew existed in my brain.

Stalking is a bad idea at this time of night. It only makes me wonder and ponder over things I've already thrown away. No, not changing my mind again.

Good outing with the girls (syaf and ilham) today. I hope syaf is excited to go to KY. She'll be needing the excitement to last. My best wishes that she will meet proper friends who don't intend to mess up her life and that she will steer clear from traumatizing events. And that she will be in the same house as I am so that our chalets won't be so far apart.

Also I'm praying that my level of curiosity will deteriorate as much as possible and replaced by a full blast of "i dont give a hoot".

suffocation

2010-07-04T04:27:00.001-07:00

That dream is still bothering me. It had a recurring pattern, showing me things I hadn't realised I needed. Or want for that matter.

And this is where I want to be.

will you feel better?

2010-07-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

Seeing that I am unable to fall asleep and too lazy (see?) to go watch the Spain-Paraguay match downstairs, I've decided to go back to blogging. For a bit. Before my attitude bans switching the laptop on altogether.

I hate my facebook news feed. I see people I dont want to, read things I don't want to. Mostly from college peeps. Wow. I wonder where all this hatred came from. Oh right, Hermione. And the whole posse of fake people who just want their high school glory days back. Cant blame em if theyre messed up. Heck, I could be bipolar for all I know. And I know I'm not the only one to think so now. Hahah, told you.

Entering third week of holidays. 'Damn it' is all I can come up with. Soon enough I'll turn into a harebrained freak who can't even figure out if she's eaten lunch or distinguish day from night. See? I'm already exaggerating.

Must. See. Riley. Again. AAAAAHHHHHHH.

Goodnight.

Jagged

2010-07-03T10:29:00.001-07:00

Yes it's stupid to make excuses and assume that one does not want to know the exact truth coz, what the hell do u know right? Although to be fair the definition of truth isn't so clear nowadays anyway.

I don't want to start rummaging through my files and find all those history and econs notes I'm supposed to read. Or the maths past years questions I'm expected to do. I'm lazy. I'm even too lazy to go out and go shopping coz i know I won't find what I want and even if I do, it'd be too expensive or out of size. All I wanna do is curl up in my comforter, read a book and play brickbreaker during intervals. And stuff myself with chocolate.

Tegan and Sara's songs are making connection with me. Particularly Walking with a Ghost.

Watched the Germany-Argentina game. Super. And I dont even like world cup that much. It was probably driven by the thought of how many cute players I'd get to spot. 5.

I've decided not to write about my first sem in ky for one reason : I dont want to think about ky.

I'm happy being home. Content and at peace. I love being around only my family for a change. And not messed up whack jobs like those pretentious idiots in college. Ah, that felt good. I only have one stupid resolution for my second semester. To stay out of trouble and not 'lose' myself even more. I'm ranting I know.

I'll just smile at people and once that's over I'll sit at one corner and read a good book. And mind my own business in hopes they will mind theirs. I don't look forward to "getting to know people" because I know exactly how it will go down after 3 weeks. I grow out of the novelty and shut down from the 'friendly' mode. There are exceptions of course, such as me being able to make proper conversations with them. By proper I mean non-superficial.

alone and I'm in between

2010-06-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

Finally back home. :D. and having trouble typing since ive grown less dependent on my laptop for internet connection the past few months. BB bitch! (sorry, just felt like doing that)

anywhooooo. I'm dead bored and I miss my friends from KY. I actually kind of miss being in KY. But that will be compensated with the feeling of entrapment once I get back there next month. A month. Four weeks. So much to do yet I can't get my ass off this chair and actually start doing something. Because Ive decided to dedicate one whole week to relax and have fun and bladibla. The thing is, I can't stop thinking bout the amount of work i need to get done just so I'll get back on the wagon prepared and not all scatter-brained. :S. Okay I'll shut up now and save this for next week. hee.

TV is so boring nowadays. During the day at least. Ive ran out of dvds to watch. Finished Grey's season 6, Gossip Girl season 3, Leverage season 2, Brothers and Sisters season something, Criminal Minds and the list goes on. Downloaded the songs i wanted already so now I just need to watch the movies Ive missed while being stuck in the jungle.

Some of my friends from another English Class had to write an essay/review on their experience of being in KY for six months. I'm thinking of doing the same. In my next post that is. I have a lot to say. Haha. But for now, mummy's cooking is calling me. :D

which is it?!!

2010-04-24T19:13:00.001-07:00

I wish things did not turn out the way they did. I admit my mistakes. But regret changes nothing, it will only pull me back. I couldnt have kept it from you and that was why I had to mention it eventually. I know you feel more betrayed than ever and you might never ever trust me again. I hope you don't actually. I know I will only hurt you again. The worst part is that I knew myself too well to realise that you will get hurt by my own actions. I thought I wouldnt but I guess I was wrong. This is not the end though. Coz things are not okay yet.

History test tomorrow and I dont even know what the heck Im doing. Frenchie is driving me crazy. Well basically everything is driving me nuts nowadays. I have to be the emcee for the assembly tomorrow as well. And there's triple blocks of econs tomorrow. I might just die.

At least I'll be seeing my family todaaaayyy!! mummmyy!!! and proper food please :D

Sems in a week. A freaking week and I have barely read anything. yay. My tracking grades suck too. 2 B and 2 A. eng lit and maths of all things. grr. anywhoooo i better get back to garibaldi.

wait. one more thing. I cant seem to differentiate between admiring someone and actually liking them. Coz im beginning to think that i merely admire rather than like for real. Im not sure lah. Ish.

fickleness, go away

2010-03-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

Now this is just plain weird. I've reread my previous posts and I can see now how it can be applied to both situations. It was not about you..

A piece for you by meaghan smith. The perfect song to listen to nowadays. And winter song by ingrid michaelson and sara bareilles.

Today I shall return to college with mixed feelings.. This is the second time I've been back to jb since college started but in this case it's different coz it's for two weeks. Kind of long but sufficient I guess. I did most of the things I wanted to do. Except doing research on oxford and cambridge and law and rereading my french revolution notes. Yay I'm scvrewed. I just feel like there isn't enough time for me to do all that now but I vow to do so next weekend. Along with the movie marathon I've planned. Hee.

I don't wanna see that person. Its too hard now. Or maybe it's easier. People would think that I'll be excited to get back and see 'them' but no. Ever since I met em all I got was trouble. But they have been very nice to me. Sort of. I dunno. Things have gotten a bit weird I think. Haha. I'm just glad everything is clarified. Now all I need to do is maintain a relative distance with them. It's just too much sometimes.

My grand plan will work this time. I will make sure it does. Seriously, I'm tired of going back on my own words. It's high time I walk the talk and be firm with my decisions.
That is why, as much as I want this time to be different and make it the way I once dreamed it to be, I know I can't. I cannot go on that road again. Haih.

2010-03-24T03:15:00.000-07:00

I am so glad to be over that phase. Of not being able to determine where exactly my feelings lie. (for now at least. let's see how long this one lasts) Now I'm on neutral grounds. No more hoping, no more regretting or fretting or WORSE, wondering. The morning that I woke up feeling nothing was probably the best morning ever.

I feel grateful today. For so many things. And to have certain things, I know I need to let go of others.

I really want pancakes with honey right now. And hot tea. I've been craving for two weeks! aaahhhh!

I'm back!

2010-03-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

I did all the things I told myself not to do in college. Like, wth??

sigh.

Oh well, I'll get it back. I would definitely love to apologise to the people around me for being so annoying and again, such a freaking lalang. After these holidays I will return to what I am supposed to be. That sounds fake but no. I've decided.

"You have to know who you were in order to be who you wanna be"

Scholarship applications, such a drag. And yet deep inside of course i hope I'll be able to get at least one, yknow, to lessen my dad's burden. Heh.

Ingrid Michaelson's and Regina Spektor's songs are pretty cool. Indie stuff. I guess I'm into em now.

Reading random facts and trying to memorise the capitals of the world are fun stuff to do when you're trying to avoid reading history. Case in point : Lethologica is a state when you can't remember the word you want. HAHA

Okay I shall stop now and continue reading about how the Terror started. :P

2010-03-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to tell you the whole truth. Because I know what it would do to us.

The one reason why this cannot happen is the one reason i cannot disclose.

2010-03-08T21:26:00.000-08:00

I miss the feel of your warm embrace.

But i know I can't do a thing

Since I've let you go.

I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

2010-02-23T09:21:00.000-08:00

I can't stop listening to Lady Antebellum's songs : All We'd Ever Need and Need You Now. They make me all emo but still I can't seem to get enough. I'm not supposed to be emo. Not here, not now. Trying to get over this phase. And nothing's even happened yet. I know how it will turn out though and as much as I would hate to be caught in that situation, it's impossible for me to get away. Everywhere, every time. BAD timing. BAD BAD BAD timing.

Maybe it's karma. haha. What goes around comes around right? I'm so disillusioned by it all. I have to stop making the same mistakes again. Knowing the consequences to the extent that I can even imagine them vividly, and yet still hoping for some sort of "miracle" that things would be different this time around and that it will all be okay coz taking risks apparently doesnt suck.

So should I just put an end to this by backing away and never know what could happen and be on the "safe" side and supposedly be happy or should I take the risk, go through the pains and maybe even get the desired results in the end?

To quote Diana, I should just play along and see what time will do. This could possibly be the perfect time for me to learn how to be patient and relax and not push things to happen. It's been only a little over a month for crying out loud!

I miss school. I miss my teachers and the atmosphere. Kind of. I like it here no doubt; this is my place after all. Tomorrow is Convent's sports day and I won't be there. After 11 years of participating( as a spectator/ person-in-charge).. huh. Feels weird. A bit sad I have to say.

Results are coming out on the 16th of March. Just three weeks away. Oh gosh. I really hope for the best that I deserve.

History's calling. Pfft. When does it ever leave me alone anyway?

Reading you status made me feel sick to my stomach. In a way the quote was right..but.. I don't know. Perhaps it goes both ways

Truth

2010-02-21T15:31:00.000-08:00

Here I am once again.

A month has passed since my last post and i can say that many things have changed, myself to say the least. Decisions and choices have been made and I guess in a way I'm glad I can say that I have no regrets. I just feel bad that it had to end the way it did.

We expected it to last much longer than that. I suppose I was disillusioned. One conclusion Ive made is that I am simply not ready to "love" someone at this age. Or right now. May seem like an easy way out but what else could I have done?

But the concurrent event that has taken place is completely unexpected as well. I did not intend for it to happen and sometimes i wish I had not let it go on for so long. One weekend changed everything and I mean everything. The emotional roller coaster ride never seems to end for me. As I went along with it, I realised that Ive come to a point where it was impossible to stop and turn back. And I've been through this before so so many times. I know exactly how it will turn out and it won't be pretty. But who knows? Being the partial optimist that I am, or just plain naive lalang, maybe it will be different this time around.

Everything happens for a reason, right? I'll stick to that then.

here i am and loving it.

2010-01-16T15:02:00.000-08:00

Muahahahahahah finally got the chance to blog from ky.

Long story short, i love it here. The environment : i like the fact that it's in the middle of nowhere... the skies are pretty shades of baby blue, the clouds look white and fluffy, the stars are visible at night and the mornings are cold and humid.

The people : Friendly, well-rounded smart asses who dont give a damn what batch or age u are, and are always there to help u. And not to mention open minded and crazy.

The rest : There's a cafe which serves good enuff food and the perfect place to lepak after studying and before going to sleep. The sports complex is pretty much well equipped, the teachers are cool, the classes are not too big and the chalets are homey. So what is there to complain about really? I love the feel of cold water splashing onto me early in the morning and especially in the evenings. Most of all, i love my friends here and hanging out with new people.

It's the perfect place for me to expand my potentials and horizon. And to grow into the person i wanna be someday. I feel like beginning a new life and I just hope I dont get caught up in things which might only bring damage to me emotionally and mentally.

So yes, i feel blessed to be here, Alhamdulillah. Thank u abah for convincing me to do this. ;)

This is it

2010-01-11T00:53:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow marks the start of my new life. I can't wait. =)

I think I'm finally ready. And even if i'm not, i dont have a choice but to go with the flow and hopefully along the way i'll start having revelations to which i will account the rest of my future for.

Sacrifices are just temporary. I'm not sure how that would work exactly, but I think some day I'll get it.

Please do not let me be the only one with too many luggages. Hee.

2010-01-08T09:28:00.001-08:00

1.28 am

I can't fall asleep despite.

stalker

2010-01-06T06:25:00.000-08:00

Im such an awesome stalker and im damn proud of it. NYAHAHAHAHAHA. Im high.

Gael Garcia Bernal is HOT. But his hot factor kinda went down a few hundred notches when i found out he already has a kid with someone. heh.

Anywho...

Read three pages out of an econs text book and i yawned non stop. How am i gonna survive it for a year?? I couldnt even understand the gibberish in there.

I know Im not making a mistake but sometimes it does feel that way.

Ive been so paranoid these days. Questioning things that have never even crossed my mind before. Trust issues resurfacing at times like this. Not good i tell ya.

answer for yourself

2010-01-03T02:13:00.000-08:00

previous post = result of being in dreamy/pensive mode.

6 days left in jb. oh what the heck. haha.

I woke up this morning with sudden determination to go to college and 12 hours later, here i am having qualms about it and decide to rant on my reader-less blog.

My mind is blank and i do not like that. Ive gone off about change and adapting and blablabla.

Now maybe i shall touch on honesty and being oneself without giving a hoot about what other people think and yet still be able to comform to the society.

We always look up to those people who seem to never care what people think of them and those who are bold enough to raise their voice and come up with mindblowing ideas that might either result in them being mocked at or praised.

Question is, how brave are we really?

We say we want to be ourselves and let others judge for themselves because hey, who cares right?

But deep in our hearts, somewhere in the back of our minds, do we really mean it? Do we really not care?

People want to be different and distinctive from the rest. They do not want to belong to the "typical jane/joe" of the society. They want to be the ones other envy and dream of becoming. But perhaps, underneath all that, they're just as scared. Believe it or not.

I told my best friends (at separate occasions) that i wanna be like this and like that when im in college. They both responded with the same words : Just be yourself.

And yes, i have had the opportunity of scrutinizing myself and determine what really defines me and if i even like who i am.

Being more "out in the world", i have had the chance to come across people who just strive to be different from other people. To belong in that "black sheeps" group. At first i was apprehensive, first question which came to mind was : Are they really what they seem like, or is this the persona they wish they could carry around but not allowed to coz society wont let em be what they want?

Eventually it hit me. They're the chameleons among us. They can be whoever they wanna be at whatever occasion deemed suitable. They conform.

I am sure though it musnt be so much fun having to adapt without support from other similar chameleons.

Fine. I admit that this post is relevant to the previous one, obviously.

So be whoever the heck u wanna be. Just dont be a hypocrite.

2010-01-03T02:04:00.000-08:00

Are you really what you say you are?

Who are you?

Are you merely being what you think i want you to be?

Because sometimes i feel that's the case. And then i ask myself.

Think.

early goodbye

2009-12-29T22:01:00.000-08:00

2 weeks. 2 freaking weeks. and im gone.

The nearer the day comes, the more surreal this feels.

Lembah Beringin. For me to actually get accustomed to that lifestyle, well. It's gonna take some time.

Opening a bank account today (haha), shopping tomorrow and friday, sleepover this weekend, school on monday, catching up with friends, complete shopping list, study(oh hell), packing, savouring every bit of my last moments in jb, cry(high probability).

Okay so im not much of a fan of change. As hard as i try. It didnt take me long to adjust to the life without him around but once in a while i do relapse. And usually when that happens, it gets ugly. hmm. But when im in sane mode, it's pretty easy. huh.

Things i have to get used to :

1) not having familiar faces around everyday
2) living without my mum's cooking
3) Co-existing with 3 other girls. i dont dare expect anything.
4) No tv shows. i have to stock up on dvds. hmm
5) not having aliah annoy me everyday.
6) Wearing ugly court shoes.
7) Other stuff that entails with living in a residential college. haih.
8) Not having enough time on my hands. This, i am afraid of.

Ah heck. 3 weeks from now, class starts and I have to bust my ass up there to make it.

I do look forward to the holidays tho. hee. 5 days in feb, one week in march, 4 weeks in june. one week during raya.

i hope everything remains the same.

blank

2009-12-24T03:25:00.000-08:00

Im bored. I dont feel like re-reading anything. Jane eyre is getting kinda drag. Well, at least i got past the first few chapters. Ill probably survive the first Eng Lit class. I havent read up on economics coz i think i would either get bored or depressed. Waiting for the time to go out and get all the stuff i need. No mood to continue my story.

Boredom is unhealthy for me. Anyone who knows me well would agree with that.

Still considering the idea of joining the kickboxing club next year. Depending on what kind of training they will offer. Pretty much set on spanish club.

July, why are u so bloody far away?

the songs of the story

2009-12-21T08:53:00.000-08:00

I cant sleep. And i cant bother u either. haha

Wish i had some cross stitch to do. But i know it's too late to start a new one anyway. Need to get the old one framed. I don't wanna touch Brida just yet. Somehow i feel i need to reserve a special time for it. hmm. Continuing Jane Eyre. Also finishing the last pages of my diary. Cant wait to choose a new one for next year. =D

The smell of my apple hand cream reminds me of u. I remember that afternoon. haha.

Finally, something to do tomorrow besides staring at the pages of a book or a tv screen or of a laptop. People watching time! And i mean in general of course. Im not a pervert. pfft.

Perhaps ill read jane eyre to myself and fall asleep. Coldplay, Priscilla Ahn and Beautiful Mess aint doing the trick tonight. I was kinda awed by Muse's latest music video, Undisclosed Desires. I never paid much attention to them before. huh. Oohh... and also the new one by Daniel Merriweather and Adele : Water and a Flame. That's about it i think.

I want sushi.

I was annoyed. sorry. good luck. ;p

simply because

2009-12-18T08:25:00.001-08:00

updates. heh. wouldnt want it to come to the point where u feel visiting my blog is pointless. =D

im high. and therefore beware for the aftermath. I need to sleep within a couple of hours. tho i truly doubt i can fall asleep before 2. hmmmm.

I just did an inventory on my book collection, because i am so bored. hahha. I need to clear out the bookshelf. No more space for my books. I have no idea how many ive got now, lost track a year ago already. Some of the books i deem unsuitable to be in my possession much longer shall go to the jumbo sale collection next year.

Tomorrow is ze sleepover..haha finally! Endless chatter and consequently mind-boggling secrets revealed(except those that must remain a secret). heheheh.

Still reading The Shadow of The Wind. I cant stop reading it halfway. Kind of impossible. Therefore, Pride n Prejudice, Jane Eyre and Brida must wait. Altho Jane Eyre should come next, Ill probably go with Brida. Or maybe i should take it with me to kyuem and read it there. Along with 5 other favourites of mine which i refuse to leave behind. hmm. Leaving my precious books behind is rather difficult, if not very. I'm clingy, I know.

I wonder what they will be serving there.. Seeing there's gonna be free meals three times a day. hahaha. I have a feeling i wont be able to sleep well for the first couple of weeks. Or maybe that's just a presumption i made coz i expect myself to be homesick and such. I wish i had the experience of being a boarding school kid. Wait, scratch that. Ah well. As they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. Ill live. Somehow.

I will miss the science world. Yes, definitely.

Cant wait to go back to school next month tho. haha. Probably coz i wont be apart of it anymore, officially that is.

Huh. Weird. I feel tired already. Tomorrow is also LOTR marathon day. WHEEEE!!!! hahahahahaha.

Why is it that i cant find One Republic n The Fray albums anywhere and yet everywhere the disney kids' albums are sold?? =.='.

I knew that i was going to lose you and that you would never see in me what i see in you.

- Penelope Aldaya, 1919

say

2009-12-14T03:20:00.001-08:00

So okay. Got accepted. hmm.

I don't know what to feel. It's kinda partial. Apart of me feels great, simply coz i got accepted. But even more so i feel worried and pretty much dreading this. huh. Being the worrywart that i am, uncertainty and doubt are mainly what i am running on.

I have a month left to so-called enjoy myself. Hopefully without my ears suffering from constant reminders to do well, take full economics instead of the AS level, get straight A's, dont slack and no, u cant get a macbook and no plane ticket either.

I wish i could just lie on my back in a pool/sea and stare at the clouds and think of nothing but happy daydreams. I wish i could stand on a cliff overlooking the sea in the cold weather under a big tree with a swing. I wish i could read peacefully on a green, hilly area where the wind is blowing softly. I wish i was with you.

words are not enough to make me believe you

2009-12-10T20:55:00.001-08:00

SPM IS OVERRRRRR!!!!

hahaha wish i could express more excitement now but i suppose i wasted all my energy with the new-found freedom on the day it was actually over.

internet has been crappy and i wasnt exactly in the right state of mind to be reporting bout the fact that the misery is over. for now.

no letter yet. altho i dont even know when i should be expecting any. haha. so much to do, so little time. or so they say.

schedule's pretty packed. and im happy with that. 3 novels to read for now, first volume of jane austen.

news update. okay im officially pissed off. NOW i am definitely not in the right state of mind to continue this post. au revoir

2009-12-06T23:18:00.000-08:00

tomorrow is the last day of spm. hahaha

and all i can feel is worry instead of pure joy. i felt joy after physics but the 4 day gap just made me go on and on pondering about the possibility of really bad results. (for those who know me, you know what BAD actually means). now i regret taking accounts. pffftttt.

sorry for complaining. sometimes it isnt easy.

i want u here.

2009-12-05T06:05:00.000-08:00

I hate sore throats. And a blocked nose which makes it ten times harder for me to continue dreaming of mountains and lakes and big oak trees.

Watching new moon on the 9th. I hope it wont be as painful as i expect it to be.

Finished a book today instead of reading chemistry. The gift, by cecelia ahern. it was the only light material i was willing to read. haha.

Couldnt stop listening to priscilla ahn. I want her album. But i cant find it. Cant download either. Stupid laptop. And one republic's album, waking up. Nakkkk.

It's not fair that they get to be with you anytime they want.

anywhere. there.

2009-12-04T06:34:00.001-08:00

I really dont want to be here after spm. It's not funny.

Well, that's what i feel now. Ask me again tomorrow morning.

lalablabladibladibla

2009-12-03T01:31:00.000-08:00

PHYSICS IS OVERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

waaaaheeeeehoooowheeeeeeeeee!!!!!! =DDDDDDD

cant think of any other way to express my joy and elation.

i feel like a heavy weight has just literally been lifted off of my head. that grey cloud filled with laws and principles and forces is just gone. gone!

going KL tomorrow. haha i know, there's still chemistry. but yeah. See first la my tahap kemalasan tonight macam mane. hmm. nahhh. i dont wanna go.

cant believe 10 subjects are over n done with already.

I wanna watch V for Vendetta again. And read shadow of the wind again. and then ill move on to hamlet. or maybe ill just delay that one and read other stuff from coelho or raymond khoury.

but most of all, i wanna enjoy my 10-hour sleep everyday. provided aliah doesnt make me go running on weekends. gahh.

Current interests :

tv show : KINGS and castle
song : dream n lullaby

plan for 8th dec

3.30 pm : right after paper 3 of chem

act 1 : run to the field and scream and laugh and act like fools
act 2 : take pics with blazer in the field
act 3 : run down to the car, cabut
act 4 : go eat at sedap corner(since it's the nearest) and buat kecoh there.
act 5 : disperse, go home. watch tv. online. sleep. hee.

2009-12-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

Never today, just dream your life away.

Sleep.

2009-12-01T01:29:00.000-08:00

Feeling crappy has like this whole new other meaning now. Why is it that of all subjects, i end up being pissed at accounts the most?? And all i wanna do right now is well..nothing. This sucks. The part where i feel all alone in the misery is a lot of fun too. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

nowwwww

2009-11-30T01:46:00.000-08:00

BIO is OVERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! wooooooohoooooooohooooooooooo the most stressful science subject is outta my life bebeh! Once i deal with physics, i practically consider myself freeeeeee. hahaha.

I want a plane ticket to get out of here for at least a week. Or two. I'm desperate. Really. I am. I have it in my head. The whole scene and how it would work out. hahahahahahahaaha. I even imagined a package being mailed to me one day and it contains that piece of paper which says that my ticket has been booked and paid etc. how wonderful. hee. destination? fikir sendiri.

i DESPISE the fact that i have to study in december. Modern european history. Basic economics (gag), shakespeare, oscar wilde, some other crap i cant be bothered to think about right now.

it happens

2009-11-27T18:12:00.001-08:00

I miss recording crazy videos and laughing till my stomach hurts at my sindhu and ilham's random acts. I miss not doing my bm and english homework and still get away with it. I miss skipping school on thursdays (way before the syllabus finished and teachers still entered class). I kinda miss asking people to line up and get back to class. kind of. I miss going off at junior prefects who dont give a crap about their duty. That is, back when i still cared. I miss being allowed to bring my camera to school on any day just by giving the excuse that i have the right to. hahahaa. I miss giving speeches. I miss teaching. I miss going for competitions. I miss that discussion we had about marriage and relationships in english class. I miss the chemicals in the lab. Particularly the copper(II)sulphate solution and solid potassium hydroxide (theyre kinda cute). I miss the power.

I dont miss debate. I dont miss house practice. I dont miss bio, bm, add maths and est classes. I dont miss being a secretary for three different associations. I dont miss PEKA. urgh.

Ah well. To move on is to move on.

Application's gonna be handed in on monday. Good luck to me. haha. I want something which i dont really want.

On an even more random note, a thought crossed my mind this morning. I would make a really great witness in court. hmm.

stress

2009-11-25T17:55:00.001-08:00

TO : RANDOM PEOPLE.

you do not get to say things about my friend who u know squat about. you need to read more. get a life. get over yourself. stop being such a bitch just because u feel i deserve it. move on, woman. dont patronize me. stop being so lame and boring and expect me to have fun being around u/ talking bout boring stuff with u.

on a brighter note, add maths is over. haha. 4 days to study bio accounts n phys. and yet all i wanna do is sleep and go out. or just do nothing.

i wanna go to spain. =(((. i dont even know why but i want to. haha. or new zealand. somewhere with the perfect setting for my story.

i hate fluorescent lamps coz they annoy me and strain my eyes.

istana garden is officially my favourite place in jb besides home.

for no reasons

2009-11-23T03:30:00.000-08:00

15 more papers to go. aka 6 subjects. aaahhhh

one thing i hate about spm is how it drains 90% of my energy away by afternoon. last friday i practically slept at 8pm just coz i was too tired. after bm, sej, eng n est. haha. woke up 10 hours later. XD.

next week just may be the most stressful one. i cant really tell. the subject distribution is pretty easy on us this year. i think. bio (all papers in one day) <--- that aint fun, accounts ( cant wait to get it over with, please do not ask me stupid quests about kelab n persatuan), physics ( no comment =.= ). ill just try to do whatever i can do to get A1 in the science subjects since i wont have anything to do with em anymore after this. yay.

cant wait to get my hands on those books ive been waiting to read.

2009-11-21T08:11:00.000-08:00

u wont like me when im tired. i tend to spit out bitterness. or truth without mercy. whatever u call it. if u start saying something stupid or just plain lame, be prepared.

p/s : i dont like flourescent lamps.

finally

2009-11-16T23:47:00.001-08:00

Well. This is it. SPM is finally here. I will not panic. I will do my best and just give everything i have. I mean.. this is the last time i'll be taking a public exam.. also the last time i'll ever take a bm exam (yipppeeee) i hope. hmm.

That day will come as swiftly as i can imagine. 3.30 pm, 8th december. Freedom. The day where i finally get to breathe and think of nothing. I might even cry on that day. The official last day i will step on the school grounds for a very long time. The very last time i will ever wear my prefect uniform.. the school tie.. my secretarial badge.. *gulp*

The battle starts tomorrow, 18th november at 8 am. hahaha. im so melodramatic.

January will come soon as well. And i have to go to war once again. To fulfill a dream that was not originally mine. But i'll do it anyway coz apart of me wants to. Dang i get influenced so easily.

Also.. i look forward to that day in march.. The day when i take the result slip and hopefully, hopefully cry tears of joy..and make that one phone call that would ultimately realise my dream. And that day next summer when i see him again. :)

Good luck everyone.

that thing you do

2009-11-14T04:31:00.000-08:00

tertinggal one video of ilham's drunken version =P

2009-11-13T02:37:00.000-08:00

hahahahahahahah

almost here

2009-11-12T07:40:00.000-08:00

Exhausted. and numb. I dont know how else to describe what i feel right now.

Tomorrow is the last day of school (well.. besides the SPM days that is)...
hah. SPM. It's finally here. Im finally 17 and in form 5 and taking the bloody exam which is supposed to..determine my future? something like that.

Again i must say i am not ready to leave school. To leave this life. To start on something new and pretty much scary. I wont have my insane (but fun ;p) friends around me to cheer me up and make me forget about my worries. The thought of going through the process of making new friends again is not really appealing to me right now.

Gotta remember to bring at least 2 packets of tissue tomorrow. Sembah salam. yknw the drill.

these are the times where it gets hard for me, i cant deny. Ur absence is felt more than ever and i wish you were here but it's alright. You know i'll be fine.

2009-11-12T05:14:00.000-08:00

good ol' days

2009-11-10T23:26:00.000-08:00

WARNING : IMAGES AND CONTENTS MAY MAKE YOU CHOKE ON UR OWN SALIVA WHILE LAUGHING.

(exaggeration but yeah)

starring : sindhu, ilham, rui teng, fiona, jessie, ying bei

PLUS : an extra video clip, taken 2 years ago dedicated to JOEY WOO CHENG CHENG. woman, make sure u watch this. hahahaha

starring : Joey aka sotong n flo

2009-11-10T07:17:00.000-08:00

let's just say.. well.. SPM is next week. enjoy the madness

i still don't see it

2009-11-05T07:49:00.000-08:00

my blog's time is way off.

5th Nov, 11.49 pm.

Just finished reading a whole bunch of blog posts from random strangers. ive pretty much covered all the blogs i targeted. hahaha macam takde keje pun ada. When i admit i do have a lot to do before spm. But i quote syiqah : spm is in a few days and all i can say is whatever. I dont know where this nonchalant attitude came from.. my geekiness has dropped a few notches i reckon.

anywho, back to the point. Listening to/reading people's views or opinions on stuff tend to make me think. A lot. Coz you get to see certain things from their point of view and you wonder where they have been in life or what the heck they have gone through to make them say the things that they do and how their life principles came to be. I now wish to meet these people someday. Squeeze some worthy mind blowing conversations out of them. Havent had one of those in quite some time. I think.

Anywho.. going KL tomorrow instead. urgh. hafta skip AM again.
Plus, i have to practice lying. To the college people.

College person : So.. where do u see urself after A levels? What are your interests?
Me : I see myself in (whatever top Us) in UK.. possibly doing Law or Economics.. im interested in the arts stream.. literature..history and such..
College person : Why choose this place?
Me: Oh, because i could see myself grow here and learn more to prepare myself for the bright future ahead of me. (hahahaha okay maybe that was a bit too much)
College person : Do you think you could handle the competition and stress?
Me : Im from convent weh. haha

I dont know how ill act when the day comes. Im still kind of in the state of denial. But i can put up a good act if i want to. Hmm. That's not entirely true. I dont know how to lie. And i dont know how to conceal my feelings/expressions. That's just not what im like. I know when to shut up tho. I learn.

6th Nov, 12.08 am.

Goodnite.

madness

2009-11-05T02:11:00.001-08:00

Ahh... such joy to be back in school after 3 days of MIA.

The class hurricane came.. aka sindhu and ilham.. therefore making it almost impossible to study.. Finally signed their autograph books.. 6 pages for each of em.. Syiqah's one is with me, im getting 6 pages too.. muahahaha XD. Gonna make her cry reading it.. how do i fit in 5 years of frenship roller coaster rides in 6 pages??

Ahh yes.. the joke of the day.. well.. no.. the joke of the day is coming up later.. this is the joke to start the day. courtesy of the two gilas mentioned up there.

Aisyah : Oi people.. rui teng told me thru fb yesterday that u guys made some joke about me that made her almost die laughing.. what was it?? haha
Ilham : Which one ah?? *looks at sindhu*
Sindhu : *muka serious berfikir*
Aisyah : Dunno.. she said u guys wanted to kacau me or something.. some crazy joke
Ilham : Ooooooohhhhhhhhh *breaks into her famous laugh*
Sindhu : Ohhhh.. that one.. okay2 ilham come we tell her *giggles*

And this was their conversation the day before, unfortunately they could only remember bits and pieces of it. dang. Their impersonation : cannot blah

Scene 1
Act 1

Ilham : Helloo... aisyah.. ni mak Firdaus nihh
Sindhu : Aunty nak tanya nih.. apa sebenarnya hubungan aisyah dengan anak aunty nihh
Ilham : Aahh.. aunty risau laa.. serious ke hubungan awak berdua ni??
Sindhu : Ah, dah tu macam mana? Nak kawin lepas SPM ke ape??
Aisyah : ROFL.

Act 2

Sindhu : Helo... ni nenek firdaus nihh.. atuk nak cakap sikit dengan anak aisyah..
Ilham: Atuk nak tau tentang hubungan anak dengan cucu atuk..
Ilham : Atuk harap.. anak dengan firdaus hidup bahagia selama-lamanya....
Aisyah : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Jessie : 0_o

Haih... had a good laugh at that one..

Scene 2

Act 1

Pn Niaida : Aisyah.. sini jap..
Aisyah : yepp?
Pn Niaida : Saya ada secret nak bgtau awk.. tapi kejap lagi la.. saya busy sikit skarang
Aisyah : Secret? what secret? alaa.. cikgu bgtau la skarang...
Pn Niaida : Nanti2..
Aisyah : *muka disappointed + tak sabar nak tau*

at 1 pm, i went looking for her again, unable to contain my excitement knowing a teacher wants to tell me some secret..hehehe.. im a sucker for this kind of stuff

Aisyah : Cikgu.. cepat2... hehehe
Pn Niaida : Ish anak dara sorang ni..
Aisyah : XD
Pn Niaida : Tak.. aritu saya ada bercakap dengan sorang budak laki ni.. baik la dia.. pastu saya tanya la dia.. takde gf ke.. dia kata takda.. cikgu carikan la.. saya pun cakap la, saya mana kenal budak perempuan mana2 kan.. pastu dia kata.. takkan la cikgu tak kenal.. cikgu kan skola convent.. semua perempuan.. Lepas tu saya ckp la.. ada la sorang ni.. nama die Aisyah..
Aisyah : 0_o
Pn Niaida : Saya tanya dia.. pernah dengar ke nama Aisyah? Dia kata tak pernah.. pastu sekali.. saya dapat tau awk dah ada boyfren ehh???
Aisyah : heheheheheh
Pn Niaida : *hits me on the arm dengan muka kecewa*
Pn Niaida : Dah saya kena cancel plan saya nak kenalkan awk kat dia..
Aisyah : hahahahhaa... kenapa cikgu pilih saya seh??
Pn Niaida : ye la.. awk kan.. *starts memuji* lagipun saya baik dengan awk...
Aisyah : Wahh.. saya eligible sehhh.. hahahahhaha
Aisyah : Siapa laki ni cikgu?? citer laa..
Pn Niaida : Tak nak.. secret.. takleh bgtau
Aisyah : Alaa.. cakap laa...
Pn Niaida : Awk dengan awk punya tu serious ke?
Aisyah : Serious tu.. macam mana cikgu? (really, i dunno how to define serious/tak serious bf) hahaha
Pn Niaida : Dah lama kawan ke?
Aisyah : Ohhh.. kawan tu mcm setahun lebih.. baru erm.. mcm tu nak dekat 2 bulan la.. baru je lagi..
Pn Niaida : Itu la.. saya tanya la budak2 tu.. pastu dorang boleh kata.. cikgu tak tau ke aisyah dh ade? haha cikgu ketinggalan sehh.. Saya ckp.. saya ingatkan aisyah tu mcam baik2.. takde bf sume..
Aisyah : haha jahat la sangat ada bf kan..
Pn Niaida : haha.. saya boleh bayangkan semua ada bf tapi saya tak boleh nak bayangkan awk ada bf.. ish.. *hits me on my back*
Pn Niaida : So parents awk semua tau la eh?
Aisyah : Yeppp..
Pn Niaida : Dia bukan umur awk la?
Aisyah : Tak.. 2 taun lagi tua.. study kat egypt.. parents saya memang tau la coz family friend.. jiran jugak la sbnrnye.. jiran jauh sket.. hee
Pn Niaida : Ohhh.. patutla..
Aisyah : Cikgu.. bagitau la.. mane cikgu jumpe budak ni tetibe? Skola mana?
Pn Niaida : hahah saya tanak bgtau awk.. hmmphhh
Aisyah : =.='

I know, WTH. hahahaha.

Ohhhh and had good news today that made me feel alright about going to KYUEM in january.. ilham might be going as well!! yeaayyyy! im kinda excited to go to the open day this saturday.. wanna check out the place and the people there.. Cant believe im leaving so soon tho.. less than a month after spm.. it's not like they have a march intake.. july does seem kind of long but i doubt i would get bored. haha. well, maybe.

2009-11-04T10:00:00.000-08:00

sometimes you just gotta see past the hurt and disappointment to get to a better place.

scattered

2009-11-04T01:43:00.000-08:00

Im going insane. Seriously.

Yeah, SPM is in two weeks. Two effing weeks. And only now im losing my mind.

-long pause-

was hyperventilating. It's been decided. Im going over there in january. There's nothing i can do. The master has spoken. And therefore i shall shut up before a pointless argument breaks out.

I dont know what im scared of. Okay, i do know but there are so many reasons that i cant think of which is the worst one.

1) Leaving home
2) Meeting new people
3) The A levels itself.
4) The stress
5) The fact that i only get less than a month's break before i have to crack my brain again
6) something which is better left unsaid. for now.

It's hard to be strong and fragile at the same time.

I'm just not ready. But i know i have to do it anyway. I wish i was that girl i used to be when i was fifteen. Because i know what this could do to me. And i know how it will affect the other aspects of my life. I'm not ready to let go. To experience more changes.

I guess i should start telling myself to just live with it. What else can i do, right?

The thing is, i'm afraid that i will someday be ready to leave certain things behind and move on.

Yes, sometimes it does suck to know yourself too well.

running out of emotions

2009-10-31T07:47:00.000-07:00

Refusing to pack. For now. Arrrgghhhh i dont wanna go. Well, i'm lazy. I feel like my energy is being drained by pointless thoughts.

Anywho.

This is how it's going down.

1st to 4th nov (4th morn) - Bandung / not in jb

7th to 9th nov - KL.

like seriously, arent i supposed to be at home studying and such? SPM is in 16 freaking days. or something like that. dammit.

Going to KYUEM on the 7th for their open day. My dad wants me to bring my trial results. Apparently my mum already told him about my add maths. hahahahah. Im surprised he hasnt said a word. No wonder he didnt ask me for my results. adoi.

WAIT. bring my trial results for the open day? Doesnt that kind of mean........

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

ehem. excuse the panic.

College in january???? *attempts to bite nails*

okay.. 5 minutes ago i was worried. now i'm just plain scared. dahlah kyuem, january pulak tu.

what about all my plans? okay shut up aisyah. no use fretting over something thats uncertain. hopefully.

why am i going to kl? Cousin's wedding. haha. one that i havent spoken to for 17 years. nice eh? and ill be meeting another cousin that ive never met before. even cooler. yeah, that's just how some things are. sometimes i just hate going to weddings.

watched The Covenant. im so bloody outdated, i know. Of course, being me, the first thing i noticed were the HOT lead actors. hehehe. Steven Straits, Taylor Kitsch, Toby Hemingway, Chace Crawford and Sebastian Stan.

Bringing Physics to Bandung. Ive decided. contemplating on whether i should bring my encyclopedia but i guess not. It's too heavy. I will bring the bookmark tho. ;p

Dah. Ngantok. buat la pape yang patut.

see ya in a few days.

2007. need i say more?

2009-10-30T20:09:00.001-07:00

Lately ive been feeling like posting photos instead of writing about anything other than my daily updates. And plus, ive been feeling emo about leaving school and all. Rasyiqah's head has been ringing with the bloody graduation song and people have been handing out their autograph books in school. Thus, the walk down memory lane.

Turkey

Aliah's convo in her 4th year.

Hanim nikah

Sanding KL

crap. tersalah upload gamba. fauzi kat tengah. haha.

see how awkward i was back then? haha the insecurity issues paid off, prepared me for the worse case scenarios. kinda.

The days after PMR

KL Trip

Kiwanis : Golden Days

there u go, a pic of me dancing - or whatever crap i was doing up there. hah.

Harry Potter 5, 11th July. also known as aisyah's independence day. hahah

Banduans, before PMR

Therefore, i have chosen to put up photos of my favourite year, 2007. I was form 3, full of emotions and dreams and achieved more than i expected. When 2008 came, i lost apart of myself, perhaps because i couldnt see the light anymore or maybe just coz reality hit me in the face like SMACK! yeah, that kind of stuff.

I dont wanna leave school, dang it.

empty

2009-10-30T09:19:00.001-07:00

Staring at my laptop, fidgeting and refusing to think.

rainbows and butterflies

2009-10-30T01:02:00.000-07:00

Went to school today to discover that Sindhu and Ilham didnt. Im pretty sure it's some bad joke to kenakan me. hahaha. children. I had a pretty productive day, more so because they weren't there to distract me. XD.

Brought my ipod and was listening to it while studying chemistry. Then came the wind blowing from outside. Our weather, again. I took out my notebook and began writing. I guess i could say my story is on its way. hee. But ive planned what to do with the ending. It will have multiple endings.. coz the real one would be ready in like, what? 10 years? hahaha. so i already came up with a possible ending, a happy one and a sad one, and one which is just plain vague. I already wrote around 12 pages or so in my notebook. Editing needs to be done, addition n subtraction. Title? No idea.

My headache didnt go away till just now. Had a good nap so now i'm fine.

Wasnt too fine last night i guess. Technically, i was doing fine and then i just.. wasn't.

I'm guessing that it's cause we didnt discuss the possibility of the internet being a complete #$%^&*. I am completely alright with our trend of communication now. It still keeps us close. But when our medium of contact begins to flaw, what happens then?

strong = nonchalant?

i dont know. What i do know is that we need to wait this one out. Wait for the storm to clear out to see the blue skies and the clouds again.

sway

2009-10-29T08:19:00.001-07:00

I should be able to say whatever i want on my own blog right? I mean, why does it have to be like me doin a double take everytime i wanna write a sentence that MIGHT come off a bit provocative or just simply honest or something stupid and childish?

I know who i am and id like to preserve the rights to have my own opinions and ability to spit em out without having to explain myself.

what am i rambling about anyway?

im bored.

sometimes i forget that im 17.

the people around me, the people i meet 3 times a year, the people ive never met before but admire their lifestyle, the people who think they know me - pretty much either let me be who the heck i wanna be or they might indirectly make me feel like i should be more like them.

More fun and crazy, or more ambitious, or wild, or classy, smart, more serious, more cute and sweet and other personality combinations that they might possess.

wanna know who i am? im the girl who thinks a lot about anything and everything. my decisions are results from hours of wondering and pondering. so let me be. I may be different from you but who cares? We need more variety in this world anyway. am not afraid or ashamed to be myself anymore. it's time to get real ey?

p/s : dont ask me where this came from. haha. you know me. ;)

favourites ;)

2009-10-29T04:47:00.001-07:00

=))

crazier

2009-10-29T02:54:00.000-07:00

I feel sickkkkkkkkk..

forgot to take panadol. or maybe i should take actal instead. I dont know whats my problem. I ate last night and this morning and just now, so i guess it's lack of sleep. or the waking up-going back to sleep and waking up again part. or maybe im dehydrated.

Watched 500 days of summer. It was.. well.. i dont know what to call it. It's not exactly a romantic comedy.. it's not exactly a love story.. it's just basically about this guy who fell in love with a girl who didnt believe in love and yet she was the one to leave him and marry another guy and was actually happy. But the days that they were together were sweet. I understand now why joey hated the movie. It's nothing like what you would expect. Kind of a kill joy too. haha.

managed to do some accounts despite the splitting headache. i should probably start on my bm but not now. it takes way too much brain power to actually absorb the subject. maybe some chemistry instead. yeah.. that sounds nice. hee.

New Zealand sounds great in december. 16 degrees celcius. how cool is that?? hahaha. so i get to buy a new coat. muahahaha. =p.. but 10 days without internet? i assume so that is. doesnt really settle with me.

i miss talking to you.

eye to eye

2009-10-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

HEADACHE.

aarghhh.

well at least now mutual understanding is reached.

2009-10-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

some days are easy and some are just plain unbearable. But i'm fine.

the inevitable

2009-10-28T04:38:00.000-07:00

Today pretty much passed by rather swiftly.. can barely remember what i did today..

Went to school.. read my encyclopedia.. did some bio.. read some chemistry and physics.. talked a lot i guess.. as usual. haha.. There was some discussion about facebook.. autograph books... life after spm..nothing gempak i guess.

The weather was.. our weather. =)

Extra sleepy today yang tak boleh bla punya sleepy. Watched hannah montana with aliah again in the evening coz tak tau nak buat ape lagi.. then tak sampai halfway i just fell asleep. Then aliah tickled me and made me wake up but tak boleh pakai one. hahaha.. So i just went to sleep. for 2 blissful hours. heeee

Okay, i added the teachers in facebook. BUT the wonderful thing is that i can hide my albums and tagged photos from them. muaahahahaha.. ponteng-ing school again tomorrow. Aliah wants to make me go walk with her in istana garden but i just went : nooo.. am so sleepin in. haha.

I'm kinda.. numb. hmm. Maybe coz im tired. ah well. I have tuition tonite.. arrhhh.. but ill be online later tho. hehehe..

One topic that circled my thoughts today was about drifting apart.
Questions lingered my mind. How long can friends stick together before going their own ways and barely reconnect even tho theyve been best friends since forever? How long can two people stay together without getting the urge to run? Will this happen to me?

I dont wanna drift away from my friends.. adiba, syafira, syiqah, sindhu n ilham especially.. and i definitely want things to be alright with him.. i never knew how to move on.

stronger

2009-10-27T04:37:00.000-07:00

Watched Surrogates. It's pretty good. Kinda smart n cool and all. hahaha. The cinema was cold. It felt different. hmm. Anyway, we had mexican food tadi. Damn, should have noticed the restaurant the last time we were there. hee. The food was nice.. i just forgot what they're called. Mine was something with spicy basil chicken and aliah's was spaghetti and seafood n cheesy stuff. yummeh. The frosties were nice too. Mine was honey peach. Definitely going there again next time. =p

Jalan2 a bit.. then went to harris to look for my book. Found it! Last copy okay.. nasib baik.. heeee...

Then as usual usha all the shops yg berkenaan.. didnt really find anything interesting.. Saw a really nice coat but.. yeah. I wanted some Baskin Robbins coz dah lama gila tak makan but then macam no time and no mood to go upstairs again. I miss my chocolate chip cookie dough.. =(

Some crazy human being takde keje called me early in the morning, way earlier than my estimated time of waking up. hehe. Then when i answered, the person didnt say anything. Dahlah my ringtone for unknown numbers in Get On Your Boots. Bising okayh? And the person called twice. Second time pun malu2 kucing tanak cakap ape2. sengalness. haih.

Internet dah stable, thank god. i'm also stable now. hehe. Spm in 22 days. haih. take it easy, aisyah. hmpph. like i already havent. =.=.

our weather

2009-10-26T20:54:00.001-07:00

It's our weather today and ure not here. =(

adventures

2009-10-26T20:08:00.000-07:00

At home.. enjoying the calm breeze in aliah's room. Or Hanim's ex room to be exact. haha. Studied some more bio and a bit of physics.. when am i gonna finish sehh..

Ive been eating apples everyday.. and then id feel sleepy afterwards. Same thing happens if i drink orange juice in the afternoon. hmm.

Anywho.. i cant believe it's only been a week. Feels like a month already! Even Ilham was like.. "It's only been a week ah??" and i just went : "I know." heh.. 40 more weeks to go. whee.

Gonna watch Surrogates at tebrau later. I think ill be alright. Yeah. Oooh and im gonna get the World History book. yippeee~No tuition tonight. =D. I think ill finish form 4 physics tonight if i can. Or at least just go through all the popular SPM questions. hehe.

I just realised that i actually have stuff to do after SPM. haha

1) Read every book that i want
2) Guitar lessons
3) Swimming lessons
4) Driving lessons
5) Jalan2.. hehe

What a way to keep myself busy for the next 6 months. hahaha

And then next summer will come..and we'll resume our adventures together.. aww.. hehehe..

I miss everything. and i dont think ill ever stop

2009-10-26T08:32:00.000-07:00

Watched the last episode of Apocalypse World War II. Inferno. damn shiokkk (hahah ayat joey). but yeah, most interesting documentary yet kot. The images were gruelling. Like, what the hell? One part i remember the most was about this woman (Magda Goebbels) who was obsessed with Hitler and after he shot himself in the head when Germany was losing, she poisoned all her six children(whose names all started with H) then committed suicide and gave instruction to burn her afterwards.. Gila people.

Anywho... Cik Mas added me in FB. hahaha tunggu after spm la baru approve kot. =p.. bahaya okay?Later the whole school can see the contents of my page. gone case.

My head is kinda filled with unnecessary facts about xylem tissues and capillarity. Had a productive class during physics tuition tadi. hahaks. probably coz now i dah sedar diri and perhaps tomorrow i might actually start reading physics again. haih. I do like being in the science stream tho. Makes me use my brains more. Not that im saying arts stream doesnt make use of the brain but it's just different. i guess. And Puan Doreen said that doing maths problems make u lose weight. =D.

Aliah asked me how to be sure if ure making the right choice when choosing someone to be with. I seem to get this question a lot. haha. Funny tho.. I hesitated to answer. I mean i wasnt sure what to say to her coz i know it's different with everyone. But at last i just said : You'll just know. Because..well..that's the truth. I hope im not wrong tho. Coz it feels so right. hmm.

only time will tell

2009-10-26T00:02:00.000-07:00

Had quite some fun at school today. haha random topics. Fiona was told not to get married and we ended up talking about marriage. The advice that came out of their mouths were hilarious.

1) Do not get married to a mama's boy
2) Do not get married to the eldest/youngest son
3) Do not get married to the only son in the family
4) Do not live with the in laws

And they were like : boy, aisyah, arent u in for some trouble. heh.
Then sindhu was obsessed about killing her future husband if he cheated on her. I suggested iron powder for some reason, lol, but sindhu wanted him to eat rotten food and get a bad stomach infection instead. hmm. creative. hehe.. Cik Mas(chem teacher) listened to our crazy ideas and was clearly amused. She heard about our dream to become future senators. And she also listened to us talking about our facebook activities. haihh kantoi habis. ngahaha. I barely got past the chapter that i was reading for bio. Haih. This is what happens when you go to school and hang with crazy people. hahahaha.

Then i went up to Cik Mas and asked for her opinion about STPM. her opinions usually make the most sense. hehe. She said it's good if i do decide to do it, as long as it's not in SIGS. Unfortunately she says, i dont get to choose where i go. damn. Then she asked me what i wanna do afterwards and obviously i said i dont knw yet. I kinda wanna take science coz i am kind of interested but then the arts stream seems more of my thing. She said i should just follow my heart coz she made the same mistake once before and she got stuck in a field that she wasnt really passionate about.

And from that, Aisyah Hassan has made yet another decision. Kind of. Let's just wait and see how long this one lasts. haha.

I am going to do either A levels or IB. I dont know where but i think either HELP or Taylors. I doubt i could get into KYUEM. and its too far anyway. hmm. And after that I am gonna do LAW. I know, backtrack much, right? But that would mean i wont have a future in JB. Well, not a great one at least. But i could do well. Who knows, right? hee. Oh crap. Now i remember why i didnt wanna take law. Too many lawyers out there. wow. that decision lasted for about.... 2 hours. huh. *pening*. Altho to come to think of it now..

I remember a dream i used to have back in form 3 when nothing else mattered in my decision making. My career path would go down like this : A levels, scholarship to do law in UK, then chambering and BAR there and afterwards, settle down overseas and become a partner in some company over there. hahahah. Corporate law. I dont remember what happened to that dream tho. hmm.

Esok ponteng. wheee~ hahahaha. Gonna go out with aliah to watch movie. I told her to choose somewhere that wouldnt be painful for me to go to. But im guessing ill be fine if im around her. haha i am so clingy. Ilham told me to think first before i take up guitar lessons coz of what it will do to my fingers. hmm... but i dont really mind that part i guess. Im not gonna do the tests of course. Ill just learn the basics and stuff. hee.

meet me halfway

2009-10-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

Just finished writing the Spelling Bee report which i had purposely delayed for about a week. Writer's block. Chosen one eh? hahaha. Nice. Starting a report/essay is always the hardest part. You wanna make sure it starts well and doesnt sound too typical/corny/lame. After getting the hang of it, the words just flow from ur mind and into the paper/computer. I like that part of writing. Writer's block sucks tho. Like for example i have no idea how to finish my story. hmm. I also dont know how to start my new one. Altho i kinda have the middle parts ready and scattered all over my diary and random pieces of paper. ;p

I was happy today. Happy thoughts ran thru my mind. hehe. Probably coz i slept in. hehe. woke up at 12 something. Studied, reorganized my books, tidied up the beds, colour coordinated my closet.. Cant wait for spm to be over and have the chance to get rid of all the books and papers. Altho i know it will be kinda hard to give all that away. I think ill keep a few books. Like sejarah form 4 and 5, bio and chem. hee.

now i shall go gosok baju and watch a bit of tv downstairs. then i shall wash up and continue with bio and fall asleep while doing that. and in the midst of doing all of that.. ill be thinking of u. ;)